As many of y'all know, I can't be serious all the time because I'm just not a serious person, so here is a bit of relief in the form of pure foolishness. It's best if read aloud in your best 1940's news broadcaster voice...
Late last Thursday evening, visiting art dignitary Tanis Alexis came across an abandoned Adidas box while searching for the Holy Grail. Upon closer isnpection, Tanis found that the Grail was a representation of the finer works, but that the box was very real.
Carefully, Tanis went to the box that appeared to have air holes punched through the top as though to give a mysterious creature air. The lid was slowly lifted to reveal the inside and BEHOLD!
A PET TARD! These pet Tards are rare creatures found on the streets of New Orleans in shoe-boxes and kept with the lid for their safe-keeping. Rumor has it that pet Tards can also be found in small jewelry boxes. Left abandoned by larger Tards and expected to make their own way on the fierce streets of New Orleans (branded as a place to be murdered by Mayor "Sweet" Ray Nagin), they often creep into your heart and your home.
These lovable pet Tards can be great if well maintained by the rules of the Cultural Ministry of NoLA Rising (currently based Boston, Massachusetts for the summer). The rules for maintaining you pet Tard are much like those of the endearing Mogwai. Do not get your pet Tard wet with grey paint, or they will multiply. Example:
You can feed your pet Tard, but no margaritas after the sun goes down. You can let your pet Tard out of the box at night, but not out of the house. Violating the rules of the pet Tard will result in large, rampant Tards hungry for tequila and New Orleans nightlife.
So be warned...you now know the rules of the pet Tard should you come across one.